My two favourite 'blapses' from the radio this week were a malapropism and a gorgeous piece of absurdity, of the kind that belongs in a script by Ionescu.
Both of these came during the Perlman SAFM show this week. Before I share them with you I note that I [we perhaps] have a dilemma looming. Gareth Cliff is moving to the morning slot in place of that dreadful whiny fellow who's had that slot for years. There are, in my opinion, only two shows on radio worth listening to and now I have to choose Do I trade Gareth Cliff for Perlman or Perlman for Gareth Cliff- oi vey?
Of course I could have both. When we get one of these endlessly tedious rounds of increasingly empty pieces of rhetoric from some of the most surprising sources that litters the SAFM story, we could hop stations and know we'll get something good. And then again when Cliff simply becomes too inane for common sense, or the commercials simply get to be toomuch too, then bear back again for another dose from the daily litany of how we failed again to do something, or struggled and struggled and struggled so much we don't know how to walk properly anymore.
So what were these lighter moments that punctuated the daily injection of looming catastrophe that constitutes Perlman's delectable daily fare?
First, in order of presentation: the malapropism. This malapropism I grant current leading status in my personal malapropism of the decade contest. It is every bit as good as that I collected from the person who once stuck his outstretched batonically pointing finger, virtually into my right nostril, and announced with venomous and ominous certainty that 'If you think you can mess me around, 'pally', you are under the wrong compression.'
It is also darker than another favourite I got from an attractive charming lady who told me with complete conviction that she had a 'photogenic memory'.
On this occasion I was driving through dense traffic on one of out city's increasingly congested thoroughfares, listening to an enthralling broadcast about rioting and general unrest in the apparently failing wannabe paradise of East Timor. Apparently troops from the Antipodes are on route or have arrived to help quell rampant unrest following military defections or rebellions or something resulting from a general state of discontent with prevailing circumstances and conditions. [What these causes were was obscure]
A cheerful news presenter informed us that rioting and looting were rampant in the 'city' of Dili [sic]. Violent competing gangs of disgruntled citizens roamed the streets in scenes reminiscent of Haiti and that 'many promises have been set on fire.'
The more hysterically absurd addition to my weeks collection of 'tales from the radio' came during a news broadcast the following day on the subject of violent police responses to the eviction of virulently objecting illegal squatters from one of the vast panoply of squatter settlements that punctuate the urban and peri-urban countryside on our continent [and probably Dili too].
An earnest police spokesperson told us ' the people who were shot dead were taken to the local hospital where they were charged with public violence.'
Oh-talk about the wrong compression-Can you top that Gareth Cliff?
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6 comments:
John Perlman. His interviewing skills are astounding, so much better than Debra Patta. I can't stand the way she attacks people, but John is so nice about it all. He completely unarms people and then they land up saying more than they should have.
I can't stand Debra Patta either.
Or Gareth Cliff, for that matter. He makes like he's so informed, but do you know how often he just makes shit up that is completely factually incorrect?
so can't say much about Gareth. I did however have the pleasure of running into him in the parking lot and he comes across as very egotistical, like I supposed to bow down or something, just cos he is Gareth Cliff.
He's a wanker. I've met him as well. 5 lost the plot a while ago. Now I listen to TuksFM and UJFM - cool music, no ads. And you can forgive the DJs' babbling 'cos they're all only 19.
If you have the bandwidth, try internet radio - nothing but music.
My favourite, as always, is Radio Paradise - the only commercial you'll hear is a 30 minute request for financial support - buy a t-shirt.
UK radio is DIRE. The sad fact is, I'd rather listen to the now "castrated" 5fm than any of the UK radio stations.
Sadly, I fear that SA Radio is heading in the same banal direction as the UK - "following the trends"
Thank God for Internet Radio - it's renewed my faith in humanity ...
Back in the old days, Radio 5 was a great station, perhaps it's nostalgia playing a part, but I recall it being more a rock station than a teeny-bopper one. I could never understand why the current 5fm would play music aimed at 12 year olds during the working day, when those kids were surely at school?
As for "shock jocks" - they no longer exist on commercial stations.
The Net is where it's at these days ...
As for Debra "Patter", horrible - truly horrible. I would find myself turning off the TV and thinking "who cares, I can't stand another second of this persons irritating voice"
Tim Sebastian (Hard Talk) - now THAT was investigative journalism.
Spending time in traffic is so much better when i can station hop to UJ, which i had not previously encountered. As you observe the DJ's being only 19 and artless are actually a pleasure. Their stumblings around in the news reports are rather cute and the music is pure...Now when i have to listen to yet another of those endlessly tedious AIDS agony sessions on Perlman [for instance] i can just press the button and get to "Fok die polisieman" and Karen Zoid.
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